The Unplanned Connection

The pandemic has meant different things to each of us depending on our vantage point. On one end of the spectrum it has impacted lives and livelihoods and on the other it has created a unique opportunity to lean into our homes and our families. I’m fortunate to be at the cocooning end of the spectrum. Very grateful for the long list of blessings, beyond the basics of health, safety and stability. I’ve loved the opportunity to homeschool, try new recipes, not commute, read more, reconnect with friends and still be more productive than pre-pandemic times. I feel hopeful about the new business and personal rituals we are creating as we go into our next normal. There’s just one thing that I’ve wondered about lately (even as a functional introvert) — the prospect of making an unplanned connection.

In a world of social distancing, how will we get out of our personal bubbles and make totally random connections with no agenda at all? For me, these little coincidences have made life richer. The friendly grandma in the DMV line, supportive hikers up the toughest trails, the family who held my spot as I ran to catch a runaway toddler, the stranded co-passengers on a cancelled flight, the cab driver who taught me how to pronounce Champs-Élysées, the baristas and family bistro owners. The list goes on. Some evolved into friendships and others continue as memories of happy faces. More importantly, they shape my view of humanity.

My earliest and most prominent such memory goes back to when I was about 5, growing up in India. Each summer, my family would go from one set of grandparents in Lucknow to the other in a small town called Malda. It was a day and a half on the majestic ‘Farakka Express’ train. Each cabin had 8 spots, which basically meant we always had another one or two other families sharing the space with us. As soon as my brother and I were done settling who gets which spot, our family would exchange pleasantries with our neighbors for the next 36 hours. And as we traveled across the country from one noisy station to the next, beautiful relationships started to evolve. Toys and snacks were all meant to be shared, cricket scores were exchanged seamlessly, coins were donated to ensure every child could make a wish at the Farakka barrage and sing-offs attracted crowds from nearby cabins. And finally when a family reached their destination, they were waved at with sincere well wishes and gratitude.

To generations thus far, these everyday happenings were just the way things are. Constant reminders that there is goodness beyond our immediate friends and family. What will that look like in our new digital-first world? We will be fearful of engaging with strangers till at least a vaccine is found but we won’t suddenly become unsocial as a species. What would the digital instantiation of such happenings look like? Connections that are less familiar than people we already know and more personal than blasting out posts on social media for the world to respond to. Three recent examples come to mind, that prove how my own digital behavior is a little altered to embrace our new reality. Granted each of these start on a social platform but they evolve into much more than random posts and mindless replies.

1. Rocks of Hope: A wonderful mom and her kids started an initiative in our neighborhood to spread hope. They painted a whole bunch of rocks to create colorful pieces of art, each with a message of hope. She then posted on our Nextdoor app and offered to drive around the neighborhood dropping off one of these rocks in anyone’s front yard who wanted their child to find this little treasure. What a selfless, simple and super impactful gesture. She was flooded with requests at first and then we all read stories of little ones, including mine, finding Rocks of Hope and how it ‘rocked’ their little quarantined worlds. The family is now accepting rock donations from your yard, demand is high.
2. Cohorts of Learners: Online learning platforms were perhaps among the first movers in subsidizing their plans so the world can learn while in quarantine. I subscribed to one such platform based on their curriculum and faculty. What I enjoyed most though was how the platform simulated a small-group learning environment that we have traditionally experienced through in-person workshops. Learners are asked to answer open ended questions and encouraged to engage with the rest of their cohort in order to make it to the next round. I would have resented this in the past and would have preferred taking the shortest distance to the finish line. To my surprise, I enjoyed how a subset of us evolved each others ideas on the platform and are now staying connected off the platform.
3. Partners in Patience: I found myself between jobs through the pandemic. While I’m grateful that I didn’t have to go through days and weeks of uncertainty, I was stalled for a bit with courts being closed in my county. Background check processes were either paused or back-logged. In my search for a time estimate, I reached out to individuals who were talking about it in our local publications or on social media. Before too long, another set of relationships evolved. A little online community where each one was rooting for the others to be on the other side of the background check and get back to work. Every day someone made it to through the process and we all wished them the best, just the way I remember saying bye from the window of the Farakka Express.

Perhaps these channels were always right there but people like me didn’t give them a chance, in the midst of balancing parenting, commute and work. They’ve been a breath of fresh air through this time of sheltering-in-place. A reminder that we are never alone. That an unplanned connection is not just round the corner, but is also possible on a click.